I'm not happy with how things are right now.. I'm starting to realize that i lost a few things from my life. I know i lost a few friends that i knew was there for me before, & i was there for them too.. but its not like that ne more. As we drifted apart, i know that a part of my heart drifted along w/ them too. They`ve changed, & so have I. It's so weird how i just notice it now. We're all growing up, but i dont want to. I want to stay the lil girl i am right now. I dont want to have to worry about my future, & how i should plan out my life. At least not rii now. As i watch them grow, i see them face problems. I see the same thing happening to me. How im really emotional nowadays & i do wonder why. How come things can't be the way it used to be? I dont get it. Why do we have to grow up & be seperated? The life im living right now isnt the one i used to have. Lately, its like i need to have someone cheer me up now and then, & its hard.. Then theres the guy i love. Marvin. The boy that i really care & truely love. Instead of having a nice walk home like before, everyday, i have to walk alone. Instead of only seeing him for most of the day, i only see him for about an hour. I cant keep him from what he likes to do. Im not that kind of person to keep someone else behind. As the school year goes, i find that its getting even harder to keep my lips shut, & the tears from flowing. The feelings change every now and then, & i cant help but wonder what happened.. Why did things have to change almost completely, i dont know. I`ll probably never know. Each day that goes by that i dont see him as often, it gets harder & harder to keep a smile on my face.

I really miss the old days when mostly everything was right. When there wasnt anything preventing me & him to spend time. I miss the laughter i had with the true friends. I really do miss it. I cant deny it now... I just cant anymore. & i wont deny it anymore. I wont let myself do that. Because i know im just gonna end up taking it out on someone. Or myself. I cant let myself do that. I wont allow myself to go down that damn road again. I wont walk the road of the most saddest of my life in the past again. I dont want to re-live it. I just wont.